Are You Ready For Some Foolsball?
Chris Christie Gets Into the Mud
Chris Christie just announced his smashmouth campaign for the presidency for reasons that seem far more personal than political. You remember Chris Christie, right? He ran in 2016 as a deeply unpopular New Jersey governor and Trump critic, got nowhere, dropped out, then kissed Trump’s very powerful ass for the next four years. Only after January 6th – when, presumably, Christie realized he was never going to become Attorney General - did he break with his former rival/master. Now he’s trying again. Currently sitting pretty with a 47% unfavorable rating - the highest unfavorable number among his competitors - Christie seems poised for an epic flameout.
The thing is, Chris Christie actually should make a credible candidate for President. He’s smart, savvy, and has the resume. The problem is, he’s also unlikeable and he has all the wrong enemies and none of the right friends. Who is his constituency? Where are the public figures jumping aboard the Chris Christie Express? Who are the sitting Congresspeople, Senators, and Governors willing to throw their weight behind him? Even Tony Soprano would vote Trump over Christie.
Christie’s main raison d’etre seems to be no more thought-out than shitting all over Trump. “A lonely, self-consumed, self-serving mirror hog,” was how he described Trump during his New Hampshire announcement. Well, duh. But Christie criticizing Trump for being self-consumed and self-serving is a little like when Marjorie Taylor Greene criticized Lauren Boebert for “high school drama.”
Yes, Trump is unfit, erratic, amoral, venal, and dumb. Everybody already knows that. Does Chris Christie think he’s going to be the one to wake up the MAGA Republicans to those facts? “Unfit, erratic, amoral, venal, and dumb” is what they like about the guy! So what is the argument exactly: “Christie 2024 – a Different Kind of Asshole”? What does he think he brings to the table that Trump does not? If you’re looking for an overweight East Coast dirtbag with a chip on his shoulder, why buy generic when you can get Gucci?
Which leads me to question, again, why is he doing this? I have a theory. Somebody came to Christie with an indecent proposal. If I had to guess, that person is named Ron DeSantis, and the proposal went something like: “You hate this guy, I hate this guy. You’re never going to be President, but I might. Get into the race, beat Trump up as hard as you can for as long. Go low. Get in the mud, be disgusting. Take some of Trump’s heat off of me. When the dust settles and I’m POTUS, you get to pick your job in my administration.” Christie probably jumped at the chance to get his face in front of the cameras again. Besides, it’s not like he was doing much.
As I said, Chris Christie is a smart guy. He knows he’s not going to win. But he can have some fun sticking a shiv in Trump. The only question is, will it work? Can the man who used to kiss the ring now twist the knife? I doubt it, but it’ll be fun watching him try. After, two pigs rolling around in the mud is pretty good entertainment as long as they’re not your pigs. And as long as neither pig ever gets to run the farm.