Guns! Guns! Guns!

We got 'em!

Guns! We got ‘em! We’ve got every kind of gun you could want. Little guns, big guns, short guns, and long guns. We’ve got guns in every color of the rainbow. Guns that go boom and guns that go pop.  You want ten guns? A hundred? No problem-o. That’s Spanish for “A-fucking-men.” Maybe your kids need some guns. And why wouldn’t they? World’s a dangerous place these days. What with all these shootings these days, it just makes sense to stick a couple guns in their lunchboxes next to their PB&Js. Plus you got these folks sneaking across the border, over the border, under it, and through. Either we’re a country or we’re not. And if the government isn’t going to do anything about it, friend, you might have to take matters into your own hands. Speaking of the government, you ever think they might decide to get a little handsy with your rights? Well, when they do, are you just gonna spread your legs and take it? Course not. Your daddy raised you better than that. You’re gonna go Red Dawn on their asses. We’ve got the guns to help you do it.

See anything you like? See anything that makes your dick stand up and salute? Because, friend, that’s what it’s all about. Good, old-fashioned manliness. That’s a commodity in short supply these days. This world is trying to soften up its men. Trying to turn ‘em into big butter balls. You know why? To make us easier to fuck. Well, that’s not gonna be me and by the looks of you, it’s not gonna be you, either. Go ahead, look around, see what gets your bits tingling. What about this? They call this one the Bushmaster. Got a double meaning baked right in, if you catch my drift.

We got school guns, church guns, mall guns. We got parking lot guns, road rage guns, wrong address guns. House party and birthday party guns. Domestic violence guns. Jogging guns, workplace guns, concert guns. Public transit guns. Upscale and downscale guns. Dance club guns? We’ve got ‘em. Gang violence guns. Mistaken identity guns. Concert guns and casino guns. Movie theater guns. Gas station guns. Got a whole selection of “you stole my girl” guns. Shoplifting guns, carjacking guns, convenience store guns. Yes friend, we’ve got guns for every occasion. Quinceañera guns. Funeral guns. Synagogue guns and mosque guns. Self-defense guns and “best defense is a good offense” guns, stand your ground guns. Ankle guns, waist guns, purse guns, hip guns. Probably got some hokey-pokey guns somewhere here, too – that’s just a little joke. We got bowling alley guns, poker game guns, pool hall guns. Gold-plated narco guns just like in the movies. Obama guns, Trump guns, Biden guns. Rightwing and leftwing guns. “It’s not about what I need, it’s about what’s my right” guns. We got a whole warehouse full of “They’re coming for your guns” guns and, believe you me, they are coming for your guns. Friend, whatever kind of gun you want, we got it. And best of all, every single one of ‘em is a “good guy with a gun” gun. I personally guarantee it.