Spent the last couple days in Milwaukee doing stand-up shows. It was fun, fine, whatever. That’s not what I want to discuss; I want to talk about the transformation of the liminal airport space from purgatory to plush. I want to discuss the airline frequent flyer lounge.
By God, do I love an airport lounge. If you fly with any regularity, you need to get yourself into the lounge scene. At the moment, I’m sitting in Milwaukee’s Delta lounge, and it’s great even though it’s in Milwaukee!!!
I’ve settled into a navy chair of some indeterminate pleather-like substance. I’ve a view of the tarmac, and I’ve just eaten a lovely fruit pastry of some indeterminate flavor. Grape? Raspberry/ Who cares? It was delicious.
Everything in the airport lounge is delicious because it’s free. They serve food from morning until night, as much as you care to eat, gratis. You can even take snacks to go! A lot of times, I might not even eat at the lounge but I still grab a couple bags of Sun Chips for the flight. You should see the faces of my fellow row mates when I pull out a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips two hours into a four-hour flight! You can almost see them thinking, I bet he got those in the lounge.
Yeah, I did.
Maybe you like a morning beverage before your morning flight. Maybe something a little boozy to settle your nerves? No worries. The booze is on the house! It’s like a bar mitzvah in here, minus all the Jews! I mean, there might be some fellow Jews in the Sky Club, but we’re keeping it to ourselves. The point is, you can drink as much as you want for free. As I write this, it’s 10:30 in the morning and I’m already neck deep into a bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also, the clientele here in the Sky Club is as top shelf as the booze. Lots of business people wearing golf shirts with business logos on them, and women with long dirty blonde hair looking at Instagram, plenty of people having telephone conversations at full volume which is fun because I get to listen in on what real people talk about at the top of their lungs.
So yeah, I do some networking. I might approach somebody and say, “How’s the Italian wedding soup today” And they might say, “Not as good as the Itallian wedding soup I had at the Sky Club in Phoenix last week,” and then we’ll chuckle and exchange business cards. Next thing you know, I’m carving out a new market for myself because of soup!
Not to mention the soundtrack. Out in the main terminal area, it’s sonic chaos. In here, though, it’s the soothing sounds of Astrud Gilberto. All Astrid, all the time. I don’t know why that should be the case, but if you’re into Brazilian samba and bossa nova from the mid 1960’s, this is your spot. I heard some Michael Buble in here once or twice, too, but I think that was probably a mistake.
Maybe you think, Yeah, the lounge scene sounds terrific but I need to get some work done.
We’ve got you covered. There’s plenty of spaces to unpack and get to bid-ness. After all, what kind of travelers do you think use these spaces the most? If you guessed, “business travelers,” you guessed right. There’s outlets and USB ports connected to the chairs and the WiFi is top-notch. In fact, even as I’m writing this, I’m streaming a (tasteful) pornographic movie without any problems at all other than the woman behind me who asked if I would mind turning down the sound. Uh yes, lady, I would mind because my erotic nature is as energized by the audio as visual. Because I care.
Sorry for the tangent, but I think it’s important to note that the airport lounge isn’t perfect. Every now and again, you’re going to encounter some stick in the mud who doesn’t want you to be happy because, I guess they’re unhappy. But that’s not my problem!
Anyhoo, if you haven’t signed up for membership, I’m encouraging you to do so. Like I said, I’m mostly a Delta guy. But I’ll hang out in an American lounge. A Virgin lounge. My AmEx gets me into the Centurion Club, so I might do the hang thang at one of those jobbers every now and again. They’re all great. The only downside is, when you’re done with the lounge, you’ve got to get on a plane!
I’m kidding, of course. Air travel may not be as glamorous as it once was, but it’s still the safest way to travel long distances. Let’s be safe out there… and have fun.
This is stunning, raw, vulnerable work
I’ve never been to such a place. How exactly do you get into these places? Inquiring minds want to know.