Now I'm in Nebraska

About to perform in an unlikely town.

Yesterday I flew from London to Detroit, Detroit to Omaha, and then drove two hours from Omaha to Norfolk, Nebraska. Norfolk (pronounced, for some reason, Norfork) is a town of 25,000, an agricultural community as unlikely as any I’ve ever visited to host a comedy festival except for the fact that it is the hometown of one John William Carson. For those who don’t recognize the name on sight, Johnny Carson hosted The Tonight Show for thirty years, from 1962-92. The Great American Comedy Festival was festival was created fourteen years ago in his honor, and I’m excited to perform for the good folks of Norfolk this evening.

I’m also nervous. This is not my normal crowd. They’re a pick-up and baseball cap kind of people. Conservative? You betcha. You wouldn’t know, for example, that it’s Pride Month here in Norfolk. The only rainbows I’ve seen so far are from puddles of transmission fluid on the asphalt at the Quick-n-Go. Even the Grimace Birthday celebrations at the local McDonald’s seem a little toned down.

Johnny Carson was here, pictured in 1982

The other headliner this weekend is Vicki Lawrence, best known for playing “Mama” on Mama’s Family a hundred years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I love Vicki Lawrence; I’m just using her as a point of comparison to somebody like me. Other acts that have graced the stage of the Johnny Carson Theater (attached to the local high school) in recent years: the Smothers Brothers, Rich Little, and Dave Coulier. But also Dave Koechner and Joel McHale. So it’s kind of a mixed bag of old and new-ish, all in various shades of white.

As always with shows like these, I have to question my own prejudices. If I’m nervous, is it because I don’t trust them or I don’t trust myself? Isn’t funny supposed to cut across cultural lines? Shouldn’t I be confident enough in my own material that I can sashay into Trump Country and still do a good job? One of the complaints conservatives have about liberals is that we’re just as judgmental about them as we accus them of being about us. I think that’s probably true. Worse – and this is the dirty secret that liberals hate - conservatives tend to be a lot more fun than us. How can a people so enamored with beer and fireworks not be more fun?

Case in point: the town has a full-fledged waterpark. 25,000 people and yet they found the money to build a big-ass waterslide park right on the edge of town. No liberal town is going to do that. Another fun fact about Norfolk: most of the rubber hoses that connect gas station pumps to your car are manufactured right here at the Continental industrial hose plant. You probably never even thought about where those hoses come from because you’re selfish.

One good thing about being back in the States for the first time in months – I had absolutely no guilt about eating McDonald’s for lunch. Got the Big Mac Meal, and it was fucking delicious. Also, it might actually be the healthiest option here in Norfolk. My other choices were Arby’s, Taco John’s, or some weird local restaurant with tinted windows. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s this: don’t eat in places who don’t want you to see what’s going on inside.

Anyway, wish me luck. Sometimes gigs are win/win. Either I do well and it’s a win or I bomb and that’s also kind of a win because it’ll be a good story. Regardless of what happens with me, though, I can predict one thing with almost 100% certainty – Vicki Lawrence is going to kill. God bless Mama.