The Biggest Motherfucker Theory of Electoral Politics

For some years, I subscribed to my “Biggest Motherfucker Theory of Electoral Politics,” which posits that, in any election, the best candidate – both in terms of running and governing - is likely to be the biggest motherfucker in the race. One need not be the most vitriolic candidate to be the biggest motherfucker, only the most willing to do the dirtiest deeds. Lyndon Johnson is a good example. The dude was both a horse trader and a horse whipper. Bill Clinton was the biggest motherfucker in the race. Obama was a bigger motherfucker than Romney. George W. Bush was a bigger motherfucker than both Al Gore and John Kerry. And so on…

Here's the theory’s fatal flaw: it presupposes that the candidate is not only acting in the best interests of their own candidacy but, once elected to high office, will also act in the best interests of the country. As the election of 2016 proved, if the winning candidate only has desire to see the first half of the equation through, but not the second, then we’re left with a motherfucker working only on their own behalf, with the levers of governmental power at their disposal. As far as combinations go, this is a bad one.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution published a video today which shows the parents of slain Sgt. Kennedy Ladon Sanders receiving a condolence call from President Biden. The video is illustrative of a few things: first, of course, the horrendous grief of the family and second, the deep compassion of Joe Biden. After watching, I posted a copy of the video to social media, writing “You might have issues with the guy over any number of things but in a contest between him and Trump, there's no contest.

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Of course, I received pushback on the comment because of people’s unhappiness with Biden’s handling of the Gaza war. One person wrote: “i think it's pretty dumb to expect everyone to vote for a man actively helping to kill 10k+ children in a couple months.” Another wrote: “the ‘thing he did’ is the mass slaughter of children.” One wrote, “No contest. Because with Trump there was no war?”

I’m not interested in defending Biden’s response to the Gaza war because I think the whole thing’s been horrific on both sides from the jump, but I will quickly say that the idea that there was no war under Trump is ahistorical. First of all, we are not at war in either Ukraine or Gaza although it’s accurate to see the US is a secondary participant in both conflicts. It’s also false to say that “there was no war” under Trump. During the Trump administration, the US increased its support for the Saudi-UAE war in Yemen and vetoed bills that would have halted our involvement in that conflict. He escalated tensions with Iran, North Korea, China, and created new tensions with our NATO partners making war more likely, not less. Further, his quixotic personality and policies threatened our domestic tranquility and strengthened our adversaries, paving the path for future hostilities. So let’s dispense with the idea that Trump is some bead-wearing peacenik. He’s not.

What he is, however, is the biggest motherfucker in the race. He’s proven time and again that he will say or do anything to sway public opinion or gain some perceived edge. He will belittle, demean, and threaten. He will call for violence. He will steal, bully, bribe, and threaten blackmail. Most of all, he will lie. God, he lies. The other day he took credit for the stock market’s performance – the stock market’s current performance.

To contrast with the video from the Journal-Constitution, the viewer sees a grieving family and a long, heartfelt phone call from the nation’s Commander-in-Chief, in which he commiserates with the family and shares his experience of losing his own child. “One day,” says the president as the family sobs, “The day will come when you’ll walk by a park you used to play in, or you open a closet and smell the fragrance of their clothing or something, and you’ll smile before you cry. That’s when you know you’re going to make it. It takes a hell of a long time, but I promise you, you’ll get there.”

Can any of you imagine a similar sentiment expressed by Grampy Joe’s likely opponent? Maybe human decency isn’t high on your list of presidential attributes, but it’s pretty far up on mine, and I’ll tell you why. Other nations can maybe get away with hiring the biggest motherfucker and sitting back. We can’t. Our responsibility to the world and to ourselves is too great.

For better or worse, the world looks to us for leadership. Why? Because, in the past, we’ve demonstrated that we’re capable of leading. Yes, we have the economic and military might but, even more than that, we are at our best when we have moral might. America is at its best when human decency serves as more than a component of our national and foreign policies, but becomes its centerpiece. It is our supposed commitment to human rights and basic human decency that anchors and supports our lofty position in the world. No other nation with our resources has ever devoted so much time and treasure to promoting those ideals. When we stray from that commitment, as we have done more and more over the past several decades, we lose.

The Biggest Motherfucker Theory of Electoral Politics doesn’t work because it leads to bad outcomes. Too many nations have chosen strongmen and women to lead them, with the hopes that their forceful personalities would deliver a better future. It doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked in Europe or Latin America or Africa or Asia, and it certainly doesn’t work here; it’s gone bad every single time we’ve flirted with motherfuckers like Richard Nixon, Huey Long, Joseph McCarthy, George Wallace, and the current Republican frontrunner for President of the United States. The paradox of American might is that we are at our strongest when we are the most compassionate. We are mightiest when we are our most merciful. When we are excellent, our excellence comes from our example. Too many motherfuckers who live here get that shit backwards.