Holy Shit
Russell Brand is chapping my gorgeous ass.
Russell Brand is chapping my ass for realz. Far be it from me to opine on the reason for the atheist comedian’s recent conversion to Christianity in the wake of blistering sexual assault, rape, and emotional abuse charges leveled against Brand by four women, but maybe – just maybe – Brand’s turn to God is a touch more self-serving than he’s letting on?
Brand was supposed to be the loquacious Cockney leftwing intellectual with the penchant for deep thoughts. The cheeky atheist in the rock-n-roll leathers who got kicked out of Fox News after asking if he could go up to Sean Hannity’s office “and touch some stuff.”
He was like some kind anarcho-transcendentalist-manic-pixie-dream-boy who made fun movies and then sprinkled his magic dust on various red carpets and talk show couches before flitting off to some Eyes Wide Shut style saturnalia.
That Russell Brand wore out his welcome after a string of middling comedies failed to propel him into the superstardom for which he had been groomed. Brand returned to the UK from LA and set up shop as a podcaster and YouTuber, before eventually migrating over to the more “free speech friendly” platform, Rumble.
Rumble, of course, is the video streaming site of choice for conspiracy theorists, MAGA cranks, and rogues of every stripe. Brand fit right in, as his show devolved into a mishmash of anti-vaxx nonsense and loony bin raving. Alex Jones for the polysyllabic set.
Critics viewed the initial rightward pivot as a way for the “canceled” comedian to survive the charges against him. After all, such charges did nothing to reduce support among Trump fans or others on the right who were accused of similar crimes. Maybe the same would work for Brand if he laid it on thick enough?
Now, with his recent baptism video, Brand has laid it on as about thick as it can get. Here he is, in all his flouncy fabulousness braying about his conversion:
“And, of course…” he says, “If they could stop people awakening, they would. If they could somehow foreclose against it, prohibit and prevent it… What they want mostly is for people to be controlled, curtailed, contained by their material models.”
Really, dude? It’s about the “material model” of reality? Is that why you bailed on YouTube when they demonetized you after you were accused of rape? I don’t know what you’re worth, but I’m guessing you’re not going to be renouncing all of that materialism, are you?
The thing is, I actually have a lot of sympathy for an anti-materialist, more spiritual worldview. So why is it so fucking annoying when he expresses the same thoughts? Because I don’t believe him. That fucker is going to try to position himself as the glam rock Joel Osteen and I’m not here for it. Bro, just because you dress like an apostle doesn’t make you one.
Brand doesn’t specify who “they” are in his clip. We’re meant to understand that Brand’s foes are yours: the elites, the scientists and government officials and the pesky journalists who have nothing better to do than exterminate sex pests. See? If they’ll come after him, the thinking goes, they’ll come after you.
What’s weird is that people probably already assumed Brand was at, the very least, not a good guy. “Sex addict, drug-sniffing Lothario” was already built into the Brand brand. Then, when he finds himself accused, the accountability he demanded from politicians is nowhere to found in himself.
Brand has, of course, denied all the charges. Obviously, I don’t know if he’s guilty or not, but his narcissistic lamentations about the powerful forces arrayed against him – including the CIA, yes the CIA – certainly don’t point to an exculpatory conclusion to his legal troubles.
Instead, he’s positioning himself as a martyr for the phony cause of “free speech.” Nobody is abridging Brand’s speech, but he knows the rubes will stand by his side if he can convince his audience that’s what “they” are trying to do. And who makes the best martyrs?
The holy.
And who makes the best conmen?
The “holy".
So yeah, maybe Brand has really found God. Maybe he’s decided to give his life to the Lord and accept the Lord’s judgment. If that’s the case, bully on him. First thing to do, obviously, is to make a clean and public accounting of your crimes and beg your victims for forgiveness. Wouldn’t that be the Christian thing to do? Donate your fortune to organizations that provide counsel for victims of sexual assault. Devote your life to working with those who commit these crimes; convince them to take responsibility for their actions the way you did. Be the Christ-like example you want to see in the world, Russell.
Or just go on Rumble and keep that liquidity flowing, baby.
If anybody wants to bet with me which direction the new, Christian Russell Brand decides to take, let me know. I know where I’m putting my money.
He's officially become one of those people who makes me so blustery mad I can't even gin up two appropriate words to describe my utter distaste for the man. Very like Trump in that he boldly wears all his narcissism on his sleeve, yet still somehow manages to find enough rubes to pay attention to him as if he has anything worthwhile to say.
You're so right on this. Easy money, too. Cloaking yourself in religion and preaching BS against the "sinners" is the perfect con. If someone dares question your sincerity, they're heathen. They're the enemy.