Ran into Marc Maron the other day in Austin. He asked how I was doing and I said that I was miserable, not because I actually felt miserable, but because I recently heard him describe me as “kind of a sad” guy and I wanted to give him the satisfaction of being proven correct, which is the greatest gift anybody can give to Marc Maron.
For whatever it's worth and speaking as someone who you know has dealt with debilitating depression all her life, there *is* an evolutionary argument to be made for it. Depression forces stillness. It's an arrest of forward motion, physically and psychologically speaking, when continuing to go forward might be legitimately dangerous/harmful to the particular body/mind. It often yanks people out of prolonged fight or flight-mode, however unconsciously. Depression that becomes sustained and/or life-threatening is pretty clearly not helpful to the species--but the whole dark night of the soul concept presupposes an awakening. How many people have finally gotten help or begun dealing with years of stored trauma as a result of a serious depressive episode? Etc.
My wife and I just visited Savannah for the first time, and she was eager to visit the Forrest Gump bus stop at Chippewa Square, complete with a box of chocolates in hand (...yeah, I know). On our way back from the chocolate shop at the cafe adjacent to the park, there you were leisurely sitting, doing a video chat at an outdoor table.
You know that moment of uncertainty when you can't tell if it's actually a celebrity or just some look-a-like rando? I awkwardly stared and slowed my pace as I walked by — yep, definitely, you.
Inside the park, I whispered to my wife, "Did you see who's on the phone back there? It's Michael Ian Black!" I further explained, "uh, you know, the guy who plays the host on 'Burning Love'?" She suggested I say hello, but you were deep in conversation, and I didn't want to be intrusive.
So instead, I just snapped a discreet photo of you and shared the encounter with my friends online.
Reactions were mixed - from "You took a secret photo of someone having a personal phone call? CREEPY!" to "Johnny Blue Jeans!" and references to The State.
Now back home, reminiscing about our trip, seeing Michael Ian Black was a top highlight. I hope you know how much joy you bring to the world Michael.
Heavily relate to everything that you've written about being or feeling depressed and also in interacting with Maron. I'm intrigued at how I am unable to grasp a solid view of my own identity because there are SO MANY "versions" of me that are all me. While others seem to have an easy time just telling me that I'm some particular type of person. Often different from each other but also all parts true. Knowing what I know about my own nature, why can't I seem to extend this idea of "a person can be many things" view when I look at others as well? Anyway, very rambling comment for a very good post. Also, too many Chases in this comment thread. 4 stars
Maybe you are sad, but you can still make others smile: (When I say “any” measurement, I obviously don’t mean the metric system because I’m not a commie.)
If it’s any consolation, I know the name “Marc Maron”, and I’ve seen him on television many times, but when you mentioned him in this post, I had to google him cuz I could not picture his face.
I may steal this description of my depression to help others understand that it wasn't caused by a specific incident:
"A lot of weird, depressive episodes that seemed to spring, fully-formed, from my dumb and broken brain like Athena being birthed from the head of Zeus."
I find it hard to feel really great about anything. I'm always aware there are horrible wars, the climate is collapsing, and there's a true psychopath whom many people want to be our next president. Only a crazy person or one who's a Buddha could be happy these days. On the other hand we can be grateful to be alive, we'll be dead long enough.
Right there with you on feeling like the depressive episodes are worse than they used to be. (WTF is up with that??) I feel like the most recent one broke my brain a little. Also on a similar regimen of meditation and cannabis (and traditional meds) and I’m in a place where I really need to create stuff—write, etc.—to feel better, but I have a harder time with that than before. Still, I keep doing it, mainly out of stubbornness, I think.
Sounds as if Maron and others are hating on your candor.
I say fuck all haters. And those jealous of candor are next in line.
It takes intestinal fortitude to openly discuss mental health and depression. More often than not, misstatements or de-contextualizing “sad” illustrates a person whom has not come to terms with their own mental health hiccups. After showing “them” the middle bird, perhaps they should be pitied? After all, ours is a society where mental health has always been stigmatized in negative connotations; a society where plastic surgeons are revered and psychologist sit at the back of the class with the dentists.
Never commented on here before but wanted to say thanks for sharing your thoughts and emotions. I know that you don’t know me personally, but I feel seen when I read your work. I grew up in the same area that you live in now (wife went to SCAD while we were dating), and it’s awfully difficult being a person with empathy in that area. It feels like you’re either constantly disappointed or you grow to lack the ability to feel altogether. So glad you have THC to help you out when you need it. Same here. Appreciate your writing, MIB!
Thanks Chase. Much appreciated. The good people of Savannah have, in fact, been good. Lovely folks most of the way around. But then again, I hang out with godless commie scum.
Can one even be a good comic or an artist without an element of despair? I think not. Arts and comedy get at the absurdity of being human. At least we can have a laugh at it together
For whatever it's worth and speaking as someone who you know has dealt with debilitating depression all her life, there *is* an evolutionary argument to be made for it. Depression forces stillness. It's an arrest of forward motion, physically and psychologically speaking, when continuing to go forward might be legitimately dangerous/harmful to the particular body/mind. It often yanks people out of prolonged fight or flight-mode, however unconsciously. Depression that becomes sustained and/or life-threatening is pretty clearly not helpful to the species--but the whole dark night of the soul concept presupposes an awakening. How many people have finally gotten help or begun dealing with years of stored trauma as a result of a serious depressive episode? Etc.
Well, well... didn't realize I was dealing with a SMARTY PANTS on here.
My wife and I just visited Savannah for the first time, and she was eager to visit the Forrest Gump bus stop at Chippewa Square, complete with a box of chocolates in hand (...yeah, I know). On our way back from the chocolate shop at the cafe adjacent to the park, there you were leisurely sitting, doing a video chat at an outdoor table.
You know that moment of uncertainty when you can't tell if it's actually a celebrity or just some look-a-like rando? I awkwardly stared and slowed my pace as I walked by — yep, definitely, you.
Inside the park, I whispered to my wife, "Did you see who's on the phone back there? It's Michael Ian Black!" I further explained, "uh, you know, the guy who plays the host on 'Burning Love'?" She suggested I say hello, but you were deep in conversation, and I didn't want to be intrusive.
So instead, I just snapped a discreet photo of you and shared the encounter with my friends online.
Reactions were mixed - from "You took a secret photo of someone having a personal phone call? CREEPY!" to "Johnny Blue Jeans!" and references to The State.
Now back home, reminiscing about our trip, seeing Michael Ian Black was a top highlight. I hope you know how much joy you bring to the world Michael.
DELETE THOSE PHOTOS IMMEDIATELY!!!
Nice to almost meet you.
Wow do I feel this. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t be happy. It really sucks.
Heavily relate to everything that you've written about being or feeling depressed and also in interacting with Maron. I'm intrigued at how I am unable to grasp a solid view of my own identity because there are SO MANY "versions" of me that are all me. While others seem to have an easy time just telling me that I'm some particular type of person. Often different from each other but also all parts true. Knowing what I know about my own nature, why can't I seem to extend this idea of "a person can be many things" view when I look at others as well? Anyway, very rambling comment for a very good post. Also, too many Chases in this comment thread. 4 stars
You are on the money about depression.
Maybe you are sad, but you can still make others smile: (When I say “any” measurement, I obviously don’t mean the metric system because I’m not a commie.)
😂🤣
Tostitos Hint of Lime doesn’t even have any lime in it. I’d still give it an 8, though.
Also, beautiful essay.
If it’s any consolation, I know the name “Marc Maron”, and I’ve seen him on television many times, but when you mentioned him in this post, I had to google him cuz I could not picture his face.
I may steal this description of my depression to help others understand that it wasn't caused by a specific incident:
"A lot of weird, depressive episodes that seemed to spring, fully-formed, from my dumb and broken brain like Athena being birthed from the head of Zeus."
I find it hard to feel really great about anything. I'm always aware there are horrible wars, the climate is collapsing, and there's a true psychopath whom many people want to be our next president. Only a crazy person or one who's a Buddha could be happy these days. On the other hand we can be grateful to be alive, we'll be dead long enough.
I am a big fan of Marc Maron, but I kinda thing his tendency is to think of you like a character. You specifically. I am not sure why.
I always thought Marc Maron was the sad one. But your sadness is beautiful. Thanks for sharing and making me feel less alone <3
Right there with you on feeling like the depressive episodes are worse than they used to be. (WTF is up with that??) I feel like the most recent one broke my brain a little. Also on a similar regimen of meditation and cannabis (and traditional meds) and I’m in a place where I really need to create stuff—write, etc.—to feel better, but I have a harder time with that than before. Still, I keep doing it, mainly out of stubbornness, I think.
Writing helps me, too, which is why I post so many Substacks.
Sounds as if Maron and others are hating on your candor.
I say fuck all haters. And those jealous of candor are next in line.
It takes intestinal fortitude to openly discuss mental health and depression. More often than not, misstatements or de-contextualizing “sad” illustrates a person whom has not come to terms with their own mental health hiccups. After showing “them” the middle bird, perhaps they should be pitied? After all, ours is a society where mental health has always been stigmatized in negative connotations; a society where plastic surgeons are revered and psychologist sit at the back of the class with the dentists.
Never commented on here before but wanted to say thanks for sharing your thoughts and emotions. I know that you don’t know me personally, but I feel seen when I read your work. I grew up in the same area that you live in now (wife went to SCAD while we were dating), and it’s awfully difficult being a person with empathy in that area. It feels like you’re either constantly disappointed or you grow to lack the ability to feel altogether. So glad you have THC to help you out when you need it. Same here. Appreciate your writing, MIB!
Thanks Chase. Much appreciated. The good people of Savannah have, in fact, been good. Lovely folks most of the way around. But then again, I hang out with godless commie scum.
Can one even be a good comic or an artist without an element of despair? I think not. Arts and comedy get at the absurdity of being human. At least we can have a laugh at it together