Movie Update #2

A while ago, I wrote about a movie I’m hoping to direct this year. At the time, I promised you updates when I have them. Well, I have few updates but I wanted to give you what I do have. The movie is called Stuck (although I am open to other names if you have a suggestion that fits perfectly with the script you have not read). I wrote Stuck as an “in-between” script, which just means I thought it would be fun to have a new project to work on as I waited for another script I had just written to digest. Scripts do not, in actual fact, need time to digest but I find it’s best to let them sit for a while after writing so that you can develop fresh eyes on them for when it’s time to rewrite. It now occurs to me that I am making an already ungainly metaphor even worse by misapplying one bodily function (seeing) to another (digestion). Be that as it may, what am I going to do? Wait for this little update to digest before rewriting? No. So the metaphor will have to remain.

Once I had a first draft of Stuck, I realized I now liked my in-between script better than the script from which it was meant to distract me. These things happen. In fact, I believe Wet Hot American Summer was another in-between script written on the heels of something else. Regardless, I had this little script and no idea where to take it. As it happens, I was chatting with a producer with whom I had worked on the indie film Linoleum, starring Jim Gaffigan and Rhea Seehorn. The producer’s name is Chad but I don’t hold that against him. Not sure how it came up, but I told Chad about the script I’d just written, and he said he’d like to read it. He read it, liked it, proposed we get into business together with it, and suddenly I had a movie producer who had made at least one actual movie which you can watch on airplanes and everything!

Pictured: me on the set of Stuck.

The best thing about Chad is that our entire agreement to this point is verbal and nearly all of our business is conducted over text. Trust in show biz is as rare as a good Rob Schneider film. I trust Chad and I think he trusts me. Also, he’s a very hard worker and is, what in olden times was called a “go-getter.” He goes and he gets. I like that, particularly because most people in this business have other people who go and get on their behalf.

We started talking about how to get Stuck made. At our budget level (low), you need to present a compelling package to financiers. These are people who usually have a lot of money to which they do not mind setting fire. Ultimately, that’s what movie-making is – convincing other people to light money on fire. So few films at our budget level (low) have a good ROI, but when they do hit, they can make everybody a tidy little profit. The odds are better than playing the lottery but not that much better and, even at our budget level (low), we’re still talking about investing way more than a couple bucks on a dream.

To make the package compelling, it obviously helps to have a few things: a script (got it), a proven director (not so much), and a few names that have appeal for domestic and international audiences. How is it possible to afford stars that appeal to global audiences at our budget level (low)? Answer: it is not possible. Most actors with enough stature to help finance a movie selfishly want to actually get paid for their efforts. Independent filmmaking is not the best way to cash in, which means you’ve got to be able to offer them something more than just the salary. A chance to flex their acting chops in new ways, maybe, or a producer credit, or profit-participation. Or maybe they’re a friend who thinks it would be fun to work together. Working on film sets is hard work and long days. If you’re not going to be making a lot of money, working with friends is the next best thing. Working with friends while making a lot of money is the best, best thing.

I approached a couple actors. One is somebody with whom I worked with already – only for one day on a movie - but we got along well and maintained a casual social media friendship. She’s fabulous and agreed to commit remarkably fast. Getting the first name is always the toughest so I am forever in her debt, although if she holds me to that, I will deny it. The other is the husband of a woman I hung out with once in Kansas City during the Big Slick charity event. Lovely woman and a terrific actor. Her husband is a lovely man and also a terrific actor. But I didn’t know him so I sent her an email asking if she would read and pass on to him if she liked it. The initial email was entitled “A Wildly Inappropriate Email” because I thought it would get her attention and because I felt very badly about asking one talented actor to read a script on behalf of her spouse. But I also knew if I went through agents it would never get to him. She graciously agreed to read and, true to her word, passed it on to him. After reading, he agreed to do it. So now I had two of, basically, four.

For the third, the other female lead, I approached an actor I know whose work I always love. We’ve worked together maybe a time or two, but are mostly acquainted through mutual friends. We know each other well enough that she visited my home in Savannah when she was in town. (This was before I had written Stuck, so our get-together had no ulterior motives.) She read and liked and now she’s on board, too. Yes, I’m being purposely vague about who these actors are because nothing is on paper yet. Schedules have to be hammered out, so it’s possible one or more of them may have to drop out although I’m really hoping that ends up not being the case.

Our fourth actor is going to be the hardest to cast. I need an older man, preferably in his 80’s, and preferably a legit star. We’re going to “cast up” for this part, meaning we’re going to approach a big name and try to lure that person with promises of… I don’t even know what. The problem is, I am not friends with any of the actors we’re discussing. I have no way to approach them except through the traditional route. Further, these are the kinds of people who will demand a salary, which will complicate our budget level (low).

Movie-making is an impossible task. Everything has to come together exactly right for it to even happen, and then some kind of magic has to alchemize all of the wonderful ingredients you’ve got into something better than the sum total of all those individual pieces. Nobody has figured out how to make this happen, which is why there are so many terrible movies. Certain directors obviously have better track records than others but every director fails now and again. The nature of impossible tasks dictates that this should be so. In fact, when I think about how daunting the process is, it’s amazing to me that there are any good movies at all.

So that’s where I’m at. Chad and I have started discussing schedules with our actors and we met with a great young Director of Photography. With (much) luck, we’ll be shooting at the end of summer or maybe fall. With (much) luck, we’ll wind up with a movie that people enjoy. And for any potential investors who might be interested: I can guarantee you will make millions. How can I possibly make this guarantee? Easy. I’m lying. But what are lies if not stories we wish to be true? And isn’t that what movies are all about?