Jesus. You are a really fantastic essay writer. Much better than the majority of people with regular newspaper columns today. I knew some of your acting/comedy work before, but to hell with that. Write books, write full time. You're too good to do otherwise.
I'm a lifelong extrovert married to an introvert, and I've learned from her. I've come to appreciate time alone with my thoughts in a way I never imagined possible. I used to hate being by myself to the point of being a tad desperate to seek company—the result of growing up in a somewhat isolated area but within a big, loud family. At 57, I find I'm often doing the reverse now and actively seeking time by myself—and in silence, another thing I used to dislike quite a bit, to the point of having a TV on somewhere in the house all day or night just for the chatter.
In 2025 I'm making the alone time at the gym. Not getting buff, just being the weird guy who sits on a machine looking at his phone.
I am 34 and and introvert and still get that crawling skin feeling when I am in crowds of people. After a lot of work, I'd say I am about at 90% for loving myself, if I can get it to 100 this year I think the social anxiety will go away. I have been single for almost a decade but like Michael am craving more community and interaction these days so I think 2025 is the year to get back on the horse.
I’m not a comedian or an actor, but I am a professor. There are some common threads there as well. A profession where you are in the spotlight amongst students and peers, which on certain days you could go without. Thank you for this post.
This is why I’ve chosen and reveled in my Singlehood after one marriage many moons ago. My default state is solitude but if I desire companionship I seek it out. I’ve never thought of myself on the introvert/extrovert binary, it just depends on my mood and the company I’m offered.
I also work in entertainment but I’m a ‘behind the scenes’ crew person and that suits me perfectly.
Thank you for articulating something I've clumsily tried to explain to friends and family. Ironically, I was a party girl for a good many years - uncomfortable sitting still - unless I had the next party/event queued up. 180 degrees and 10 years later, I'm an introvert, but I can sure do a mean impression of an extrovert.
i like this: "Also of late: though I’ve spent this piece explaining my contentment at being alone, I find that I’ve been moving ever-so-slightly towards greater extroversion. While I still don’t generally seek out much human contact, I’ve found that I take greater pleasure in the interactions that I do have."
this discussion reminds me of the journey many comedians take, if they're lucky, from starting out performing for any audience that will have them to hopefully getting to perform for audiences that have come to see US specifically.
perhaps there is something similar in your journey to slightly more extroversion. maybe you're getting more comfortable in being your social self (like the comedian finding their voice and who they are on stage) such that now you have greater ease of communing with people in life when you do (like the comedian who finds it easier to perform for any audiences as they gain experience), and also just like the comedian who attracts their audience to them eventually, maybe by becoming more at ease in your life off stage, you are seeking/attracting people with whom you can have the more enjoyable, meaningful conversations you find yourself having.
from the perspective of someone who certainly is further along the extroverted spectrum than many, i'm generally happy to talk to anyone AND there are certainly specific people in my life that i find even more connection and joy in communing with, the same way that as a comedian i can enjoy performing for any audience AND there are certain audiences who are there for me in a way and i am there for in a way that is elevated and special (also, for anyone reading this who has ever been in an audience of mine, YOU ARE ONE OF THE SPECIAL ONES).
i'm glad you're taking greater pleasure in the interactions you're having!
i wish you the optimal quantity and quality of human contact that you desire moving forward. or better!
" wish you the optimal quantity and quality of human contact that you desire moving forward. or better!" I wish the same for you and for us all. Thanks for your continued support this year and much love moving into the next.
"Whenever somebody on a plane makes conversation with me, my internal monologue is always reciting some version of, 'Please stop talking.'”
Getting the friendly people to go away is tricky. I have begun to invent pressing deadlines or in some cases hearing disorders to avoid conversation. (Feigning deafness is also a way to get the extreme fast-talkers—usually rather young people who are doing a job they don't like—to slow down. You can hear them rolling their eyes.)
I am kind of in the middle with all of this. Love making new connections but I’m happy on my own and never bored. I’m also very picky so that probably makes it all harder.
Jesus. You are a really fantastic essay writer. Much better than the majority of people with regular newspaper columns today. I knew some of your acting/comedy work before, but to hell with that. Write books, write full time. You're too good to do otherwise.
beautiful
I'm a lifelong extrovert married to an introvert, and I've learned from her. I've come to appreciate time alone with my thoughts in a way I never imagined possible. I used to hate being by myself to the point of being a tad desperate to seek company—the result of growing up in a somewhat isolated area but within a big, loud family. At 57, I find I'm often doing the reverse now and actively seeking time by myself—and in silence, another thing I used to dislike quite a bit, to the point of having a TV on somewhere in the house all day or night just for the chatter.
In 2025 I'm making the alone time at the gym. Not getting buff, just being the weird guy who sits on a machine looking at his phone.
I am 34 and and introvert and still get that crawling skin feeling when I am in crowds of people. After a lot of work, I'd say I am about at 90% for loving myself, if I can get it to 100 this year I think the social anxiety will go away. I have been single for almost a decade but like Michael am craving more community and interaction these days so I think 2025 is the year to get back on the horse.
I’m not a comedian or an actor, but I am a professor. There are some common threads there as well. A profession where you are in the spotlight amongst students and peers, which on certain days you could go without. Thank you for this post.
This is why I’ve chosen and reveled in my Singlehood after one marriage many moons ago. My default state is solitude but if I desire companionship I seek it out. I’ve never thought of myself on the introvert/extrovert binary, it just depends on my mood and the company I’m offered.
I also work in entertainment but I’m a ‘behind the scenes’ crew person and that suits me perfectly.
Thank you for articulating something I've clumsily tried to explain to friends and family. Ironically, I was a party girl for a good many years - uncomfortable sitting still - unless I had the next party/event queued up. 180 degrees and 10 years later, I'm an introvert, but I can sure do a mean impression of an extrovert.
Truth, hard to validate that constant companion of 'us.' :)
Insightful, resonant piece.
dear michael,
very thoughtful piece!
i like this: "Also of late: though I’ve spent this piece explaining my contentment at being alone, I find that I’ve been moving ever-so-slightly towards greater extroversion. While I still don’t generally seek out much human contact, I’ve found that I take greater pleasure in the interactions that I do have."
this discussion reminds me of the journey many comedians take, if they're lucky, from starting out performing for any audience that will have them to hopefully getting to perform for audiences that have come to see US specifically.
perhaps there is something similar in your journey to slightly more extroversion. maybe you're getting more comfortable in being your social self (like the comedian finding their voice and who they are on stage) such that now you have greater ease of communing with people in life when you do (like the comedian who finds it easier to perform for any audiences as they gain experience), and also just like the comedian who attracts their audience to them eventually, maybe by becoming more at ease in your life off stage, you are seeking/attracting people with whom you can have the more enjoyable, meaningful conversations you find yourself having.
from the perspective of someone who certainly is further along the extroverted spectrum than many, i'm generally happy to talk to anyone AND there are certainly specific people in my life that i find even more connection and joy in communing with, the same way that as a comedian i can enjoy performing for any audience AND there are certain audiences who are there for me in a way and i am there for in a way that is elevated and special (also, for anyone reading this who has ever been in an audience of mine, YOU ARE ONE OF THE SPECIAL ONES).
i'm glad you're taking greater pleasure in the interactions you're having!
i wish you the optimal quantity and quality of human contact that you desire moving forward. or better!
thanks for sharing as always!
love
myq
" wish you the optimal quantity and quality of human contact that you desire moving forward. or better!" I wish the same for you and for us all. Thanks for your continued support this year and much love moving into the next.
"Whenever somebody on a plane makes conversation with me, my internal monologue is always reciting some version of, 'Please stop talking.'”
Getting the friendly people to go away is tricky. I have begun to invent pressing deadlines or in some cases hearing disorders to avoid conversation. (Feigning deafness is also a way to get the extreme fast-talkers—usually rather young people who are doing a job they don't like—to slow down. You can hear them rolling their eyes.)
As a nobody who admires you for no good reason, I find you moderately worthy. I hope that goes a short way toward making your day.
I am kind of in the middle with all of this. Love making new connections but I’m happy on my own and never bored. I’m also very picky so that probably makes it all harder.