Michael, this is so funny I had to keep putting it down and coming back. You do make some valid points, however, especially the part about how you never leave any other medical professionals’ offices with parting gifts.
I had dental phobia since childhood, and eventually found a dentist who administered IV Valium for cleanings and check-ups. It was great, until he closed his office and moved to a Caribbean island.
Then I found a dentist who was terribly kind and gradually earned my trust, no aids required, not even Nitrous Oxide. After many years, he retired during COVID.
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but my wonderful periodontist took his own life, and I learned that there is a significant suicide rate in the dental profession. So it's not easy for them either.
Buck up, grow up, put up but don’t shut up. This is a funny post! Since I know you are not an enemy of the truth or facts, the reality is that dental health correlates very highly with overall medical health, especially in the later years of adulthood. You can look it up.
The hygienist told me my teeth were very clean and my gums are healthy. I hate (loathe) going to the dentist. In fact the giggling young dentist said she found two small cavities. That will be $600, mam. Additionally, they are not participants with my dental insurance! Of course I don’t believe her. My dentist from another state told me 6 months ago my teeth were just fine. Of course I believed him. My daughter who is a hygienist told me to get another opinion. I’m going by to get a copy of my record and X-rays. Did I tell you I hate the dentist!
My favorite movie dentist is Walter Matthau in Cactus Flower with Ingrid Bergman as his nurse. He’s a dick of a dentist, so fits with the theme, but she’s fabulous as is a very young Goldie Hawn! Such a great movie!
this is fun: "In fact, there’s a good chance they’ll have me killed today for speaking out. I’m going to the dentist today. If I don’t make it back, you know why."
thank you for sharing what may very well be your final newsletter!
I had a hard time regularly flossing until I started keeping my floss stick (not string!) by the couch. Then just floss while watching a good tv show! You’ll barely even noticing you’re flossing.
There’s also the combination of expense (since dental “insurance” has a max payout and so it really more like a gift card than real insurance) and the judgment (since everything they need to do is presumed to be due to your own negligence).
It’s always “Here’s a bill for $2300, and frankly I’m disgusted that you’ve made me do this to you.”
Do this to avoid dentists: 1.) Ban sugar from your diet; and 2.) Floss daily. You floss to prevent a heart attack, caused by bacteria hiding between your teeth. Seriously. I hate all dentists, even the "good" ones. (If you eliminate sugar, you'll never get another cavity. Sugar is not now, and has never been a necessary part of the human diet, according to the highly google-able Robert Lustig. There was no tooth decay before sugar was invented.)
I too have had my share of cavities, root canals, and all sorts of dental problems. A few years ago, however, I finally found an amazing dental practice with legitimately gentle hygienists and dentists. They actually exist!
You get to watch TV? I just get to stare uncomfortably at their dead fucking faces. It's why I stopped going. *Those dead eyes* are just too much.
Michael, this is so funny I had to keep putting it down and coming back. You do make some valid points, however, especially the part about how you never leave any other medical professionals’ offices with parting gifts.
“And you say, ‘That should be fine’, because you assume you probably won’t even be alive in six months.”
This is literally true (for me).
My dentist is also my running partner and my friend. It’s pretty shocking. Turns out that dentists are people too!
I had dental phobia since childhood, and eventually found a dentist who administered IV Valium for cleanings and check-ups. It was great, until he closed his office and moved to a Caribbean island.
Then I found a dentist who was terribly kind and gradually earned my trust, no aids required, not even Nitrous Oxide. After many years, he retired during COVID.
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but my wonderful periodontist took his own life, and I learned that there is a significant suicide rate in the dental profession. So it's not easy for them either.
I never picked you for an anti-dentite, Michael...
Buck up, grow up, put up but don’t shut up. This is a funny post! Since I know you are not an enemy of the truth or facts, the reality is that dental health correlates very highly with overall medical health, especially in the later years of adulthood. You can look it up.
Ohmygoodness, Michael. Same, same, same!!
Wonderful essay.
The hygienist told me my teeth were very clean and my gums are healthy. I hate (loathe) going to the dentist. In fact the giggling young dentist said she found two small cavities. That will be $600, mam. Additionally, they are not participants with my dental insurance! Of course I don’t believe her. My dentist from another state told me 6 months ago my teeth were just fine. Of course I believed him. My daughter who is a hygienist told me to get another opinion. I’m going by to get a copy of my record and X-rays. Did I tell you I hate the dentist!
My favorite movie dentist is Walter Matthau in Cactus Flower with Ingrid Bergman as his nurse. He’s a dick of a dentist, so fits with the theme, but she’s fabulous as is a very young Goldie Hawn! Such a great movie!
dear michael,
this is fun: "In fact, there’s a good chance they’ll have me killed today for speaking out. I’m going to the dentist today. If I don’t make it back, you know why."
thank you for sharing what may very well be your final newsletter!
much love
myq
I had a hard time regularly flossing until I started keeping my floss stick (not string!) by the couch. Then just floss while watching a good tv show! You’ll barely even noticing you’re flossing.
Flossers are great!
For me they never keep the floss tight enough. 🫤
There’s also the combination of expense (since dental “insurance” has a max payout and so it really more like a gift card than real insurance) and the judgment (since everything they need to do is presumed to be due to your own negligence).
It’s always “Here’s a bill for $2300, and frankly I’m disgusted that you’ve made me do this to you.”
Do this to avoid dentists: 1.) Ban sugar from your diet; and 2.) Floss daily. You floss to prevent a heart attack, caused by bacteria hiding between your teeth. Seriously. I hate all dentists, even the "good" ones. (If you eliminate sugar, you'll never get another cavity. Sugar is not now, and has never been a necessary part of the human diet, according to the highly google-able Robert Lustig. There was no tooth decay before sugar was invented.)
And, of course, when your mouth looks like a hardware shop, the dentist decides to be chatty and asks lots of questions.
I too have had my share of cavities, root canals, and all sorts of dental problems. A few years ago, however, I finally found an amazing dental practice with legitimately gentle hygienists and dentists. They actually exist!
I had the best dentist ever for 2 decades, and she retired last year. I only wish dentists didn't age!