I’ve found that when I’m in physical pain and emotional agony time moves very, very slow. The years I was an opioid addict seemed to never end. I would inevitably go into withdrawal, which is both physically unbearable and emotionally tortuous. Each minute really does feel like an hour, and an hour a day, and so on.
The only reprieve from physical pain was if I submerged myself in a hot bath. A break from that pain, however, allowed me time to think on all shitty things I’ve done to people while actively addicted. The overdoses my mother found me in, the money spent on rehab, and I was STILL unable to let it go. I felt like such scum, which would be the primary reason I did keep using. Self-loathing is equally hard to kick.
Now that I’m no longer actively addicted and I’ve done as much as is in my power to make amends with those I’ve hurt, I’ve started to feel little bite size bits of happiness. I’m amazed at how much faster the time has gone by. I’m hopeful for the future because every day I’m not taking opioids I can try to be a better person to those who love me. I’m 40 now and I’m glad that I still have some time left to do better. It’s less than I would like, but since there isn’t anything I can do about it, it will have to suffice.
I hate having my birthday acknowledged in seemingly fake, forced ways. Like on Facebook or having the cast sing in the green room at half hour. No thanks. So now whenever I hear it’s someone’s birthday who similarly doesn’t enjoy being celebrated I just point and laugh and dryly exclaim
Happy Birthday, Michael. Not sure if you remember me from a poker game or two over a decade ago (Schwimsauce?), but I was interested to see that you want to direct a movie. I have something I'd like to share with you. Hit me up on @mattberensonproducer on Insta, and I'll tell you more about it. P.s. If you actually end up directing this movie, how weird is it that it will have come your way because you mentioned it in your birthday substack? That's one great thing about getting older: you realize things like that happen all the time. Hope to hear from you.
I'm 50, and I have always looked up to the people who are just like 2 to 7 years older than me. Seems like there's some sort of generational sweetspot. The kids that were juniors and seniors when I was a freshman turned out to be the cool kids my whole life.
Speaking of kids that age, here's a very germane clip of Ben Stiller (in the movie Greenberg), talking about his birthday and responding to the phrase "Youth is wasted on the young":
Happy birthday, Michael! (I'm 9 years older than you 😜)
I love your list of things you'd like to accomplish, especially your NOVEL. You are such a brilliant writer. Do you have a waiting list for those who want to pre-order your novel? If so, consider me FIRST ON YOUR LIST, PLEASE.
Happy birthday, Mr. Black! It's your day to celebrate as you like, including a dive into Grumpy Old Man Land. Myself, I am glad you are here thinking these thoughts and writing these words.
I had graduated high school before you were born. Now I have so many more years behind me than ahead of me, and I wish I could have a do-over on all of them with the knowledge I have now, that time accelerates as you age, and our bodies - our lives - can decay not only slowly, but suddenly and irrevocably. At 52 I could still run 5 miles, play 18 holes of golf, gather with all of my children for a holiday. In the blink of an eye, 10 years later all of that was gone. Two of my three children died, suddenly, unexpectedly, at 21 and 31, before their lives had really even begun.
Now I do not feel sorry much for anyone that makes it past the age of 50 (although I do feel very sorry for their families and friends). My health did deteriorate, but it was more like falling off a cliff, a rapid and seemingly irrevocable deterioration, to the point of spending the last 5 retirement years housebound. So I, too, share your disdain for birthdays (any gift only represents something I will have to get rid of, with no one to even pass it on to).
But I get to enjoy your writing here! And that is a pleasure indeed, thank you. Now savor every bite of that cake - perfect choice, btw - and who cares if you wash the sweatpants, a few times a year is perfectly fine. Time is short, who says we even get tomorrow? Priorities!
Happy Birthday. I’m 50. My elbows don’t hurt, but my feet do. And I work in physical therapy, so there’s no excuse for this. My patients see me limping and just look at me like, can’t you fix that? I hope you enjoy your coconut cake and I hope you keep writing this column forever.
“. . . preferably coconut.” ✨
Happy birthday! I turned 55 in May. I’m grateful for the 10 percent senior discount at the grocery store!
Poignant and relatable. Happy birthday
I’ve found that when I’m in physical pain and emotional agony time moves very, very slow. The years I was an opioid addict seemed to never end. I would inevitably go into withdrawal, which is both physically unbearable and emotionally tortuous. Each minute really does feel like an hour, and an hour a day, and so on.
The only reprieve from physical pain was if I submerged myself in a hot bath. A break from that pain, however, allowed me time to think on all shitty things I’ve done to people while actively addicted. The overdoses my mother found me in, the money spent on rehab, and I was STILL unable to let it go. I felt like such scum, which would be the primary reason I did keep using. Self-loathing is equally hard to kick.
Now that I’m no longer actively addicted and I’ve done as much as is in my power to make amends with those I’ve hurt, I’ve started to feel little bite size bits of happiness. I’m amazed at how much faster the time has gone by. I’m hopeful for the future because every day I’m not taking opioids I can try to be a better person to those who love me. I’m 40 now and I’m glad that I still have some time left to do better. It’s less than I would like, but since there isn’t anything I can do about it, it will have to suffice.
The AARP hasn't come for you yet? I turned 50 in March and have been getting letters from them once a month asking me to join.
I hate having my birthday acknowledged in seemingly fake, forced ways. Like on Facebook or having the cast sing in the green room at half hour. No thanks. So now whenever I hear it’s someone’s birthday who similarly doesn’t enjoy being celebrated I just point and laugh and dryly exclaim
👉🏼 “HAHA YOU HAVE A BIRTHDAY!!”
And move on with my day.
(Happy Birthday, Michael 🫶🏻)
Happy Birthday, Michael. Not sure if you remember me from a poker game or two over a decade ago (Schwimsauce?), but I was interested to see that you want to direct a movie. I have something I'd like to share with you. Hit me up on @mattberensonproducer on Insta, and I'll tell you more about it. P.s. If you actually end up directing this movie, how weird is it that it will have come your way because you mentioned it in your birthday substack? That's one great thing about getting older: you realize things like that happen all the time. Hope to hear from you.
Thanks, Matt! What I recall most is losing. I'll hit you up on IG!
Happy Birthday!
I'm 50, and I have always looked up to the people who are just like 2 to 7 years older than me. Seems like there's some sort of generational sweetspot. The kids that were juniors and seniors when I was a freshman turned out to be the cool kids my whole life.
Speaking of kids that age, here's a very germane clip of Ben Stiller (in the movie Greenberg), talking about his birthday and responding to the phrase "Youth is wasted on the young":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwdliqOGTLw
Happy birthday, Michael! (I'm 9 years older than you 😜)
I love your list of things you'd like to accomplish, especially your NOVEL. You are such a brilliant writer. Do you have a waiting list for those who want to pre-order your novel? If so, consider me FIRST ON YOUR LIST, PLEASE.
You're OLDER than me?!? No way! That's not possible.
Ok, I adore you even more now. 😀
Happy birthday, Mr. Black! It's your day to celebrate as you like, including a dive into Grumpy Old Man Land. Myself, I am glad you are here thinking these thoughts and writing these words.
I’m 44 and I just got out of the hospital yesterday for exercising too hard.
So, I get it man.
Happy birthday! I just got my DVD of Stella in the mail as an early b-day present to myself 😁
Enjoy life - it’s so precious. Happy Birthday and I hope to see you at a Comedy Club soon!
I had graduated high school before you were born. Now I have so many more years behind me than ahead of me, and I wish I could have a do-over on all of them with the knowledge I have now, that time accelerates as you age, and our bodies - our lives - can decay not only slowly, but suddenly and irrevocably. At 52 I could still run 5 miles, play 18 holes of golf, gather with all of my children for a holiday. In the blink of an eye, 10 years later all of that was gone. Two of my three children died, suddenly, unexpectedly, at 21 and 31, before their lives had really even begun.
Now I do not feel sorry much for anyone that makes it past the age of 50 (although I do feel very sorry for their families and friends). My health did deteriorate, but it was more like falling off a cliff, a rapid and seemingly irrevocable deterioration, to the point of spending the last 5 retirement years housebound. So I, too, share your disdain for birthdays (any gift only represents something I will have to get rid of, with no one to even pass it on to).
But I get to enjoy your writing here! And that is a pleasure indeed, thank you. Now savor every bite of that cake - perfect choice, btw - and who cares if you wash the sweatpants, a few times a year is perfectly fine. Time is short, who says we even get tomorrow? Priorities!
I’ve got a year on you and I feel like I’m just getting started.. Happy birthday, Michael. I’m looking forward to that film and that novel. :)
Happy Birthday. I’m 50. My elbows don’t hurt, but my feet do. And I work in physical therapy, so there’s no excuse for this. My patients see me limping and just look at me like, can’t you fix that? I hope you enjoy your coconut cake and I hope you keep writing this column forever.