As a therapist, I frequently remind folx that there are three entities in every partnership between two people*: “Each of you, and the couple.” You address that so beautifully!
*Not intended to privilege “couple” relationships, just to simplify the math.
Also: I laughed out loud at your reference to Ames and Grand Rapids. Hoping they don’t go full Terre Haute on you!
You are human regardless. What would more accurately describe my perspective is "softer." Also, my tone here is not snarky, I do genuinely appreciate the musings! You typically (and appropriately so) have a poker-face in my opinion. I just also really like seeing the softer, yielding side of your writing. There's something endearing for me when a tough guy softens up. Chalk it up to dad trauma or whatever.
This was a great read. And it was interesting reading this at a burger place where, as I was reading, "Steady as She Goes" played with another take on relationships. Such timing!
Together and Apart is especially important when you retire. During our working years, Together & Apart are sort of built in. There's a cast of characters and lots to talk about at day's end, with a glass of something before dinner So that's another reason to be involved with friends and the outside world after the retirement party. No one I know has a difficult time doing that - there's actually more freedom to do so.
As a single cat lady with no interest in getting married, this still warmed my heart. I like the idea of sharing life’s journey with another person, but the practicality of it seems impossible for me. I lived with my sister for one year when we were in our 20s and we “got divorced” before lease renewal time, lol. I honestly do not understand how people can relax when someone else is present, and when the stresses of their life are added on top of your own. I’m very happy for those that can, and for you and Martha, as you both seem like genuinely good people who deserve great companionship.
This is the truth. Independence is the key to marital longevity, counterintuitive as that sounds. We had a reading of "Now We Will Join Forces, You and I" at our wedding and with any luck we'll read this post at the vow renewal ceremony
Now I am jealous. My marriage dissolved into nothingness at year 24. We were together 27 years. Once it ended, I was slap-worn out, my body and spirit broken. Reading your realistic representation of what a marriage could be and maintaining the friendship touches my single soul. Now I am old with wonderful children, friends, and grandchildren who fill my life. I wish my marriage had had the comfort of yours. Count yourself lucky. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your love and unlove.❤️
Next time you're on the road Michael, skip McDonald's and stop by Panda Express to maintain your vegetarian status. They brought back the Beyond Orange Chicken due to popular demand:
Just wait until retirement!! That’s 24/7 until the end of your time. We’ve been at this for 32 years with few breaks and it’s still working. A recent break when we got COVID and slept on different floors. She is still my best friend and we have mixed it up by moving every 5 years treating life as an adventure. This last move has not been our best move but too late at this age to try again. We like SC but our neighborhood is not too friendly. We are close to the ocean which soothes our souls and the seafood is amazing. I don’t mind the hot and humid which is better than AZ’s hot and hotter than hell. It’s also great to have green in our environment the beige got old.
This is my favorite piece on your Substack so far. Real, relatable, lovely. Like Martha, I expect.
As a therapist, I frequently remind folx that there are three entities in every partnership between two people*: “Each of you, and the couple.” You address that so beautifully!
*Not intended to privilege “couple” relationships, just to simplify the math.
Also: I laughed out loud at your reference to Ames and Grand Rapids. Hoping they don’t go full Terre Haute on you!
I appreciate your musings on love. It makes you seem more human.
Wow. Do I normally seem something other than human?
Wrong word to use on my end.
You are human regardless. What would more accurately describe my perspective is "softer." Also, my tone here is not snarky, I do genuinely appreciate the musings! You typically (and appropriately so) have a poker-face in my opinion. I just also really like seeing the softer, yielding side of your writing. There's something endearing for me when a tough guy softens up. Chalk it up to dad trauma or whatever.
One thing I am decidedly not - a tough guy. But thank you for the support and kind words.
"Elite Level farter", I am still chuckling...
This was a great read. And it was interesting reading this at a burger place where, as I was reading, "Steady as She Goes" played with another take on relationships. Such timing!
Recently received this insight from another standup:
The secret to a long and happy marriage is to find someone who will put up with you. Remember, you're no prize.
Congrats on you and your significant other's success.
Together and Apart is especially important when you retire. During our working years, Together & Apart are sort of built in. There's a cast of characters and lots to talk about at day's end, with a glass of something before dinner So that's another reason to be involved with friends and the outside world after the retirement party. No one I know has a difficult time doing that - there's actually more freedom to do so.
As a single cat lady with no interest in getting married, this still warmed my heart. I like the idea of sharing life’s journey with another person, but the practicality of it seems impossible for me. I lived with my sister for one year when we were in our 20s and we “got divorced” before lease renewal time, lol. I honestly do not understand how people can relax when someone else is present, and when the stresses of their life are added on top of your own. I’m very happy for those that can, and for you and Martha, as you both seem like genuinely good people who deserve great companionship.
This is the truth. Independence is the key to marital longevity, counterintuitive as that sounds. We had a reading of "Now We Will Join Forces, You and I" at our wedding and with any luck we'll read this post at the vow renewal ceremony
That's incredible. Thank you for sharing.
Another fabulous read. Love the photo.
You romantic devil you, this was beautiful. ❤️
Now I am jealous. My marriage dissolved into nothingness at year 24. We were together 27 years. Once it ended, I was slap-worn out, my body and spirit broken. Reading your realistic representation of what a marriage could be and maintaining the friendship touches my single soul. Now I am old with wonderful children, friends, and grandchildren who fill my life. I wish my marriage had had the comfort of yours. Count yourself lucky. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday with your love and unlove.❤️
Next time you're on the road Michael, skip McDonald's and stop by Panda Express to maintain your vegetarian status. They brought back the Beyond Orange Chicken due to popular demand:
https://www.beyondmeat.com/en-US/whats-new/beyond-the-original-orange-chicken-is-back-at-panda-express
dear michael,
this is great! meaningful, beautiful, heartfelt, and funny. thank you for sharing! some of my favorite lines:
"when I think about how we’ve survived as a couple this long, I have to give at least partial credit to frequent absences."
"I love my wife’s face. It is probably a Top 3 face."
"one of the most effective tools we’ve developed for staying together is staying apart"
"Alright, I’m going to get in the car and go pick up my honey, a woman whose name escapes me at the moment."
much love!
myq
Just wait until retirement!! That’s 24/7 until the end of your time. We’ve been at this for 32 years with few breaks and it’s still working. A recent break when we got COVID and slept on different floors. She is still my best friend and we have mixed it up by moving every 5 years treating life as an adventure. This last move has not been our best move but too late at this age to try again. We like SC but our neighborhood is not too friendly. We are close to the ocean which soothes our souls and the seafood is amazing. I don’t mind the hot and humid which is better than AZ’s hot and hotter than hell. It’s also great to have green in our environment the beige got old.
You’re a beautiful writer, MIB.