Walking the Plank

The coming presidential inauguration is still a few weeks off but it feels as if Trump II is already underway. On both domestic and international fronts, we’re seeing the first puffs of dark smoke from the coming fire season. In normal times, this wouldn’t be such a problem, but they aren’t normal times when the arsonists run the fire station.

Starting today on the international front, we’re in the process of witnessing an early broken campaign promise. In June of this year, Trump told his supporters at a rally in Philadelphia that “Before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after, we win the presidency, I will have the horrible [war] between Russia and Ukraine settled.”

While I have no idea if his supporters actually believed he would do this or not, I keep bringing it up because I think it’s important. The Trump campaign was (falsely) predicated on:

1. The price of groceries

2. Mass deportations

3. Peace, and Trump’s unique ability to achieve it

How many times did we hear the phrase “no new wars under Trump,” in describing his previous administration? The answer, for those not paying close enough attention at the time: many times. It was, at best, a half-truth, and while we obviously do not yet know if any new wars will be launched in the coming four years, the early results from his vaunted peace-making abilities are grim.

The eggs be too expensive, lad!

In Ukraine, a senior Russian general was assassinated on the street a couple days ago, while Russian television propagandists mock Trump’s “peace plan.” Meanwhile, as I write these words, Putin has just concluded giving his annual, end-of-year press conference in which he said that the war will “change dramatically” in the coming year: “The fighting is difficult, so it is difficult and pointless to guess what lies ahead... [but] we are moving, as you said, towards solving our primary tasks, which we outlined at the beginning of the special military operation."

Does that sound like the war is wrapping up anytime soon? Does it sound like the election of Donald Trump has curbed Putin’s territorial ambitions or Zelenskyy’s resolve to resist? Does it sound as if this thing is getting solved before Trump takes office, as he repeatedly promised? It does not. Will his supporters care?

They will not.

In Israel, Trump has promised to give Netanyahu a free hand, telling him “to do what you have to do” and to “finish the job.” What Netanyahu is trying to do, more than anything else, is save Netanyahu. The prime minister/war criminal/regular criminal is overseeing the destruction of Gaza and the West Bank as a means to consolidate his own power, stay out of jail, and destroy the ability of the Palestinians to ever gain a satisfactory deal to create their own nation. It’s a sprawling humanitarian disaster that stretches across the entire region and Trump has appointed his daughter’s father-in-law, Massad Boulous, to be his “senior advisor on Arab and Middle Eastern affairs.”

According to The New York Times, Boulous is a “small-time truck salesman,” countering the claim that Boulous is the billionaire scion of a massive family enterprise, a claim which Boulous has done nothing to dispel. Instead of being worth billions, the Times reports that Boulous’s stake in his family’s African truck sales business is “1.53”.

(I’m not making that up.)

On the “price of groceries” side of things, in his interview with Time Magazine last week, Trump backpedaled, saying that “I'd like to bring them down. It's hard to bring things down once they're up. You know, it's very hard. But I think that they will. I think that energy is going to bring them down. I think a better supply chain is going to bring them down.”

In other words, his plan to bring down the cost of eggs was the same as his plan to remake the healthcare system. Neither exist, existed, or will ever exist. Just to illustrate how little he cares about grocery costs, within a second of giving the answer I just quoted, Trump was talking about the property he owns in Palos Verdes, shipping containers, and electric vehicles. It’s not just that he doesn’t care about groceries, he doesn’t even have the concept of caring.

How a government shutdown will affect grocery prices remains to be seen, but Trump and his chancellor, the great and mighty Elon, have decided that Congress should abandon their spending bill, deeming it too expensive and loaded with extraneous items. That may be true (I actually have no idea how this bill compares to any other, but I imagine it’s sufficiently stuffed to serve with Christmas goose), but the fact that their solution to the problem is to turn off the lights in DC until Elon can get his red Sharpie on the budget seems, I don’t know… bad?

At the same time, Trump wants to raise the debt ceiling now, avoiding the political necessity of having to do it himself when he enters office. Apparently, Congress needs to raise the debt ceiling so that Trump has more room to spend your money when he fulfills his promise to cut taxes for Chancellor Musk and his royal court.

On the other hand, the mass deportations are continuing to be planned, with Trump’s Cattle Car Commissioner, Tom Hoban, already going hat-in-hand to Congress to ask them to authorize funds to round up millions of people and put them in concentration camps. Any guesses as to how many Republican lawmakers will refuse? If your answer is greater than zero, you have more faith in them than I.

Again, of his three campaign planks, we appear to be only walking down one of them so far. Ukraine can go fuck itself. The price of eggs can go fuck itself. But we’re happy to fuck over millions of immigrants and their families and communities on your behalf. All while handing Chancellor Underpants and his royal court billions in giveaways and government largesse. This is what America voted for. This is what we wanted. Enjoy your government shutdown, everybody, and to all a good night.