I wish I had the courage to change my name. Many of the Jews who move to Israel change their name. Ariel Sharon, the toughest Jew in the world, was born Ariel Scheinerman.
"Names are powerful incantations. All of our associations with that person are entwined with their name. To speak somebody’s name is, in some ways, to speak them into being. When I write my father’s name, Robert Michael Schwartz, I almost feel like I conjure him into being. There he is: his thin smile, the white t-shirt he used to wear around the house, the ridiculous teddy bear baseball cap his second wife gave him the Christmas (she was Christian and he didn’t care about Hanukkah) before he died. But it’s not the name that makes the person. Rather it’s the person that makes the name."
You say your name was "obviously" Jewish but I don't think you realize that probably the majority of Americans would not know or care. I live in central Illinois. There are very few Jewish people living here, and I have known only a few. I was taken aback when a man I'd worked with for many years said he didn't celebrate Christmas and added "of course" and I then I guessed he meant he's Jewish and assumed I knew it, but how would I know that? There are all kinds of names in this world. If I'd thought about it at all, I'd have assumed your former last name to have been German. But I probably wouldn't have thought about it at all.
I joined Substack as a fan of your work in the entertainment industry, but your writing is so insightful that I can’t separate those two aspects of you anymore (nor do I feel that one should). Now, when I watch you in various roles, I enjoy it every bit as much, but there’s also an underlying solemnity of respect for what you do here. I find your writing to be an excellent balance of truth, vulnerability, and compassion. And you’re funny, which goes without saying. Thank you for creating this space.
Tangentially related to the topic, it took me a bit to figure out why I had a charge in my bank statement from “Hot Schwartz” something or other. Even though, as a fan, I knew your family name was Schwartz, I didn’t put it together until I thought, “ah, #9years2 rings/Major DILF..... I’ll bet that’s Hot Schwartz!” Mystery solved thanks to a Cameo hashtag.
Over in the PNW where I grew up, I didn't really meet anyone who grew up in a Jewish family. Or at the very least, anyone who talked about it. I met a friend through dong standup who's parents are 3rd generation I believe and immigrated from Austria. Since Trump had taken office, he would talk about being ready to leave the country. He even got his Austrian heritage citizenship confirmed. It never felt like the right moment to ask deeper questions about it but I understood that my cultural history is completely different. This post really helped me understand that complicated generational shame and fear involved. Thank you for writing about it.
Hi Michael. It's obvious that you are proud to be Jewish, just like me. My last name isn't obviously anything, so that's never been an issue for me, but as an actor and comedian I know that at times I have been passed over (like the holiday) in favor of a gentile, just because someone in the room didn't like Jews.
I'm also a strict, practicing Jew, and wear a yarmulke all the time, so that makes me very obvious, even if I'm not running into a deli or the local synagogue.
I mention all this because everyone looks at me at times like this, like I am the spokesman for Jews, Judaism, and Israel, and of course I am not. But I do try to be an ambassador of sorts, to explain to those who ask, what's going on in the world with regards to antisemitism (which is alive and well, unfortunately), the double standard to which Israel is held on the world stage, and any other thing touching Jewish traditions, thought, writings, and every controversial thing connected to Jewishness, which is everything (except Paul Rudd. Everyone loves him.)
I hope you can use your platform to dispel myths about Jews and Israel, and I am proud to call you my brother, as all Jews are family. Praying that you, your family, and all our people will be safe, with God's loving protection.
Markus Kublin,
but really Menachem Mendel Aharon Kublin, son of Laib Moshe the Levite
Thanks, Marcus. Thank you for the kind words; I am accepting your kind words and extending your wish for safety to the affected Palestinians in Gaza. And to Paul Rudd who doesn't need the help. The fucker.
It was really common in that era and the preceding years. My mother and her parents Americanized their names when they came over after escaping the Holocaust. My childhood friend and his brother were given middle names that could be used as surnames if they needed to sound less Jewish. I wouldn’t subject yourself to too much guilt over it. I would blame the antisemitism that has persisted in this country, if anything is to blame.
Thanks for your honest, interesting posts. Made me think about my grandparents who immigrated from Eastern Europe many years ago. They shortened their name--took the "ovic" out. The last name was still strange. Nobody ever had that name. They talked with heavy accents. My grandma had long braids she wrapped around her head covered by a babushka. Her legs never saw the light of day because her dress was almost to her ankles. As a kid, I used to wish they were 'Smith' or 'Jones'. As I got older, I realized how lucky I was to have such a rich family history.
As a Jew with an Irish married name, I understand exactly how you feel. I feel guilt because I likely won’t need the suitcase if I keep my head down. My youngest bears my original name (Cohen) so it’s like he’s marked out and I’m not.
I appreciate your candor. Shame is such a hard thing, but so vital that we talk about it.
Years ago, you retweeted a story I wrote called Men Are Not Big Babies (I had quoted you), and that remains my greatest Twitter brush with fame. That and being followed by Kathy Najimy!
I'm always relieved to find more thoughtful voices among celebrities—thank you!
"It’s a history of survivor’s guilt and the concern that such a thing could happen again. Jews my age that I’ve spoken to about this all understand the feeling of keeping a bag packed, just in case." Jews a bit older than you have that feeling as well. I even know which suitcase.
A rose by any other name… Regardless of my ethnicity, my surname is one someone made up for my family. A Gilley is a Scottish worker, generally agricultural. So I’m from workers of the land. I am my soul, not a name.
I'm so enjoying your substack! I discovered you while watching Celebrity poker many moons ago:) Great to catch up with what's happening in your world! Your perspective resonates with this almost 70 year old woman. Probably not the target audience you were hoping for but I'm here:)
I wish I had the courage to change my name. Many of the Jews who move to Israel change their name. Ariel Sharon, the toughest Jew in the world, was born Ariel Scheinerman.
dear michael ian [the symbol that prince used],
beautiful piece. i love this particularly:
"Names are powerful incantations. All of our associations with that person are entwined with their name. To speak somebody’s name is, in some ways, to speak them into being. When I write my father’s name, Robert Michael Schwartz, I almost feel like I conjure him into being. There he is: his thin smile, the white t-shirt he used to wear around the house, the ridiculous teddy bear baseball cap his second wife gave him the Christmas (she was Christian and he didn’t care about Hanukkah) before he died. But it’s not the name that makes the person. Rather it’s the person that makes the name."
thank you for sharing.
much love
myq (also mike)
You say your name was "obviously" Jewish but I don't think you realize that probably the majority of Americans would not know or care. I live in central Illinois. There are very few Jewish people living here, and I have known only a few. I was taken aback when a man I'd worked with for many years said he didn't celebrate Christmas and added "of course" and I then I guessed he meant he's Jewish and assumed I knew it, but how would I know that? There are all kinds of names in this world. If I'd thought about it at all, I'd have assumed your former last name to have been German. But I probably wouldn't have thought about it at all.
"And it wasn’t like the world was going to run out of Schwartzes."
I wonder; did you ever play a Swartze on TV? Or anywhere? That would have been something; create a character with your same birth name, but different.
Are you really changing your name?
I joined Substack as a fan of your work in the entertainment industry, but your writing is so insightful that I can’t separate those two aspects of you anymore (nor do I feel that one should). Now, when I watch you in various roles, I enjoy it every bit as much, but there’s also an underlying solemnity of respect for what you do here. I find your writing to be an excellent balance of truth, vulnerability, and compassion. And you’re funny, which goes without saying. Thank you for creating this space.
Tangentially related to the topic, it took me a bit to figure out why I had a charge in my bank statement from “Hot Schwartz” something or other. Even though, as a fan, I knew your family name was Schwartz, I didn’t put it together until I thought, “ah, #9years2 rings/Major DILF..... I’ll bet that’s Hot Schwartz!” Mystery solved thanks to a Cameo hashtag.
Thanks so much for the lovely message. Yes, "Hot Schwartz" definitely has a vaguely porno vibe, which is why I choose it.
PS: Denver was great. PPS: See you all in Chicago.
Over in the PNW where I grew up, I didn't really meet anyone who grew up in a Jewish family. Or at the very least, anyone who talked about it. I met a friend through dong standup who's parents are 3rd generation I believe and immigrated from Austria. Since Trump had taken office, he would talk about being ready to leave the country. He even got his Austrian heritage citizenship confirmed. It never felt like the right moment to ask deeper questions about it but I understood that my cultural history is completely different. This post really helped me understand that complicated generational shame and fear involved. Thank you for writing about it.
Michael Cougar Schwartz?
It's already understood that I am a cougar.
Hi Michael. It's obvious that you are proud to be Jewish, just like me. My last name isn't obviously anything, so that's never been an issue for me, but as an actor and comedian I know that at times I have been passed over (like the holiday) in favor of a gentile, just because someone in the room didn't like Jews.
I'm also a strict, practicing Jew, and wear a yarmulke all the time, so that makes me very obvious, even if I'm not running into a deli or the local synagogue.
I mention all this because everyone looks at me at times like this, like I am the spokesman for Jews, Judaism, and Israel, and of course I am not. But I do try to be an ambassador of sorts, to explain to those who ask, what's going on in the world with regards to antisemitism (which is alive and well, unfortunately), the double standard to which Israel is held on the world stage, and any other thing touching Jewish traditions, thought, writings, and every controversial thing connected to Jewishness, which is everything (except Paul Rudd. Everyone loves him.)
I hope you can use your platform to dispel myths about Jews and Israel, and I am proud to call you my brother, as all Jews are family. Praying that you, your family, and all our people will be safe, with God's loving protection.
Markus Kublin,
but really Menachem Mendel Aharon Kublin, son of Laib Moshe the Levite
Thanks, Marcus. Thank you for the kind words; I am accepting your kind words and extending your wish for safety to the affected Palestinians in Gaza. And to Paul Rudd who doesn't need the help. The fucker.
It was really common in that era and the preceding years. My mother and her parents Americanized their names when they came over after escaping the Holocaust. My childhood friend and his brother were given middle names that could be used as surnames if they needed to sound less Jewish. I wouldn’t subject yourself to too much guilt over it. I would blame the antisemitism that has persisted in this country, if anything is to blame.
Thanks for your honest, interesting posts. Made me think about my grandparents who immigrated from Eastern Europe many years ago. They shortened their name--took the "ovic" out. The last name was still strange. Nobody ever had that name. They talked with heavy accents. My grandma had long braids she wrapped around her head covered by a babushka. Her legs never saw the light of day because her dress was almost to her ankles. As a kid, I used to wish they were 'Smith' or 'Jones'. As I got older, I realized how lucky I was to have such a rich family history.
As a Jew with an Irish married name, I understand exactly how you feel. I feel guilt because I likely won’t need the suitcase if I keep my head down. My youngest bears my original name (Cohen) so it’s like he’s marked out and I’m not.
It’s all so complicated.
I appreciate your candor. Shame is such a hard thing, but so vital that we talk about it.
Years ago, you retweeted a story I wrote called Men Are Not Big Babies (I had quoted you), and that remains my greatest Twitter brush with fame. That and being followed by Kathy Najimy!
I'm always relieved to find more thoughtful voices among celebrities—thank you!
"It’s a history of survivor’s guilt and the concern that such a thing could happen again. Jews my age that I’ve spoken to about this all understand the feeling of keeping a bag packed, just in case." Jews a bit older than you have that feeling as well. I even know which suitcase.
A rose by any other name… Regardless of my ethnicity, my surname is one someone made up for my family. A Gilley is a Scottish worker, generally agricultural. So I’m from workers of the land. I am my soul, not a name.
I'm so enjoying your substack! I discovered you while watching Celebrity poker many moons ago:) Great to catch up with what's happening in your world! Your perspective resonates with this almost 70 year old woman. Probably not the target audience you were hoping for but I'm here:)
I am 72 and love Ian's writing. His name could be Beelzebub for all I care. I am not his target audience either.
I'll take it!